Moving On.

This is the first time I've done this, and I hope to not have to do it again really, but for the sake of my sanity, I have un-friended someone on Facebook. I mean, I've done that before with a couple people I didn't actually know, people who were part of organizations I was also involved in. But this time, it was someone I actually knew, someone I considered a friend at one point. But that was before facebook. Since friending this person, I have had no positive interaction from them. And you know what, I don't need that kind of constantly argumentative vibe. I'm too good -- and tired -- for that silliness.

Broken Thought Process Thursday: On being a mom, seeing Mraz, and feeling like a sleepy cow

Thought I'd jump on the bandwagon with Jenn, Ginger, Bree, & whomever else that's a sucker for trend...

I've been away from writing for too long. I have a dozen or so poems rattling around in my head, but I don't know where to start. They're tangled like last year's strands of Christmas lights. And somewhere, a bulb is out. Or more. Probably more.

Life as a mom of 3 boys is off to a good start. For those who haven't heard through other channels, I gave birth to our third little boy over a month ago. He was 5 1/2 weeks early and had to hang out at the hospital for a couple weeks, but really, overall, everything went well. And even given the fact that it was a preterm delivery, I have to say that it was the best labor experience I've had. Though there was some concern because he was early, I was not overcome by it like I was when our second made a surprise arrival (also at 34 1/2 weeks). We knew what to expect: he'd be swept away quickly because his lungs would likely be underdeveloped, he'd likely be jaundiced, he would be slow to learn to nurse, and he'd stay at the hospital for about two weeks. All were true in this case as they had been with our #2.

With the birth of a baby comes the hormonal roller coaster (just ask my husband, sister & mom). Call it "Baby Blues" if you want, but really, that sounds cuter than it is. Sometimes it hits like a blow to the gut and knocks the wind out of a girl. It's as overwhelming as the factors it exaggerates. Does that make any sense? Let me try again: the physical reaction a "Blues Flash" can cause is as stressful in itself as are the stressful factors (from maintaining a household to reworking career plans to finances) that can trigger the "episode" itself.

I feel like my hours and energy are constantly being sucked away from me. The only time I feel like I have time is when I'm at work. That's right, my baby is under 6 weeks old and I've been back to work for 2 weeks now. Granted it's part-time, but still. But I knew that going into this. It's a small company (that isn't ruled by FMLA) and they don't offer short term disability or maternity leave. I'm not holding that against them -- I like the company, the people I work with, and the job I do -- but when I've been there these past 2 weeks, I SO don't want to be there. Time drags. I can't help but think of the gazillion things I have to do here at home.

Since our little angel was born, it's been busy here. The first 2 weeks involved visiting the hospital multiple times a day. The good thing is that we're less than 10 minutes from the hospital. The bad thing is that being so close, a parent feels like s/he should commit to being there at every chance. That's unreasonable. Especially when there are 2 other kids at home who aren't allowed into the NICU. So it was good to get the little guy home. Of course, while he was at the hospital, we were guaranteed uninterrupted sleep at night!

Still, sleep hasn't been so bad. Right around 5 weeks the little man started (sporadically) sleeping through the night. That coincided with him rolling over. That's right, folks. This 1-month-old preemie has rolled over! Granted it was from belly to back (easier than the other) and in a fit of frustration, but he did it. He constantly scoots around if he's on his tummy. We've got to watch out for this one! He's determined to catch up to his big brothers!

Even with all the craziness that comes with a new baby, I managed to go to see Jason Mraz at the end of July.  That was funny.  So, the show was scheduled for an outdoor venue in Charlotte.  The short of it is, it POURED.  I'm talking, this storm was the lovechild of a Katrina & Hugo.  Or not quite, but that's how it seemed.  The tickets stated "rain or shine" no one wanted to leave even though the weather was miserable.

But about 2 hours after the show was to have started, they officially gave up on the original plans.  And lucky for us -- all the soaking wet concert goers -- because the storm knocked out the soundstage system, they offered a do-over.  Not rainchecks, mind you, because they wouldn't refund on behalf of the rain.  We were given the option that night to (A) Leave & get a refund, (B) stick around and TRY to get into the limited audience show in the indoor venue they moved to (try fitting something like 8K into 1.5K space), or (C) use your ticket at a rescheduled show at a later date at the original outdoor venue.  Because I was there alone (another story), and I couldn't be sure if I'd be able to swing the "later date", and I sure wasn't going to give up on seeing Mraz, I stuck around.

The show was great, but by the time it was over after 1 am, my feet were really killing me (as were my engorged boobs).  But I was glad I stayed.  I was even more happy with my decision when musictoday decided to invite those of us who went to the soaking wet show back to the rescheduled show!  So my ticket has turned out to be a 2 for 1 afterall!  And I didn't even have to have a baby at the show! ;)

I've been trying to nurse (see previously mentioned engorged boobs). Well, no, I've been nursing, but the little guy is an inefficient participant. He likes the snuggling aspect of it, but he doesn't eat enough that way. He prefers the "big gulp" of a bottle. So I've been expressing milk. I feel like a cow. Moo. I've had to ask a friend to loan me some freezer space for the excess milk.

Ok, TMI alert. Now I know this one is weird, and some might be grossed out by this: on occasion I've instinctively licked a stray drop or two of my milk off of my hand. This has led me to a surprise realization: my milk tastes a lot like Silk original flavor soy milk. Ok. Like I said, TMI, I'm sure, but it's not like I'm asking anyone to do a taste test. Note, the consistencies are way different.

Also note, not that I've tried or ever wanted to, but apparently it's not possible to make cheese out of breastmilk. Just sayin.

Considering that I really should accomplish something before the boys wake from their naps, I'm wrapping this up now before my lack of filter loses me another reader.

MckLinky Blog Hop for July 14, 2009 - 3 Things You Didn't Know About Me

Three things you (probably) didn't know about me:

One:

I'm a DAR.  I just learned (or maybe I just finally paid attention and heard) this 4th of July that I'm a Daughter of the American Revolution.  I don't have the paperwork to prove it, and I need to talk with my dad and grandpap to figure out the relationship,  but my great great great ... great great someone-or-other and his brother fought in the Revolutionary War.  Kinda crazy, huh?


Two:

I am closer in age to my MOTHER than to my youngest sibling.

Three:

For as terrible as I am about sending birthday cards, anytime I see someone's "birthdate time" on a digital clock, I say a little prayer for that person. 

Day Late -- Still Okay.

So, we were planning on taking the boys (5 & almost 3) to see fireworks in our little downtown.  Like the metro area's big show, it's called "Red, White & Boom", and the plan was, depending on how my nearly 8-month-pregnant self was feeling and how the boys were behaving during the day, we'd go see fireworks that night after my husband got back from work.  Well, the boys were ok, and I felt I could do it, so we packed them up and drove downtown.  But it was eerily quiet and empty.  Finally, after driving around for 15 minutes or so, we stopped at the police station right there and Jonathan asked about the fireworks.

They had been on the 3rd.

I felt awful, especially since the boys were so excited... and I've been an erratic emotional mess.  Thank goodness for the random people shooting fireworks from their back yards and empty parking lots.  We managed to find a great span of sidewalk in an empty parking lot where we sat on the curb to watch our own private show.  The boys were thrilled and didn't know any better.

In the end, I felt like the time we spent in that quiet parking lot was a whole lot closer to what those "Rebels" fought for 233 years ago, a lot closer than the hype and headache, alcohol, and excess that so much of 4th of July celebrations have become.

But that's not quite the end of the story.  This morning, I called in to the local radio station to relay my story for their "4th in 4 words" segment.  My 4 words were: Day late -- still okay.  It won me a nice dinner out for 2 and a cd. :)  Of course, we still need to cover a sitter...

Hope your Independence Day weekend was a good one.

Peace,
Julie

A two-for-one ticket

There are few things that make me giddy to the point of idiocy.  The going to a Jason Mraz concert, for instance.  The mere thought of being able to go to such a concert is another.

Yeah, so maybe I'm trying to relive that part of my teenybopper years I missed out on.  Maybe I'm just weird...

Regardless, I'm psyched that he'll be stopping in Charlotte on this summer's tour!  I have been itching to go to another concert since I walked out of the auditorium when he stopped here last April. 

Only thing is, he'll be in Charlotte just 3 weeks before I'm due.  Which means if I haven't already had the kiddo, the excitement could spur me into labor...

But that could mean two of us could get into the show on one ticket. ;)

Guess I probably shouldn't plan on going to this show solo like I did the last one.

July 28th!!!!!! <insert cheesy annoying squeal here />

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take..."

"...but by the moments that take our breath away."
-- Author Unknown

How many breathless moments have you had lately?

How many breathless moments have you been able to give?

* * * * *

My life, as of late, has been consuming.  Blessed & busy.  As is the world of a parent, I guess.

In less than two weeks, our oldest will turn five.  FIVE. I still distinctly remember a moment while I was nursing him in the days right after he was born when my mother pointed out, "it won't be long before he'll stretch beyond the boppy pillow." He fit so neatly across my lap then. This week he got a shiny new Lightning McQueen bike as an advance birthday gift from his great-grandparents...  He's convinced he can't move fast enough.  Out of breath from chasing him down the street, I'm thinking he's going too fast, he's growing too fast.  No doubt we'll be shopping for his first car and colleges before we know it.

Meanwhile, sometimes time can't pass fast enough. Take, for instance, the time it takes to potty train a child.  Diapers are a pain in the butt, expensive, and icky.  Yes, there is a bonding factor when the child is still a baby, but somewhere after 18 months, enough is enough.  The parent is ready for the child to "go potty" whether they're ready or not.  But the process can't be rushed.  Trust me, we've tried.  It is a lesson in patience, psychology, and genuine joy for the sake of a turd in the toilet.  Seriously.  I have not been happier (in the past 2 years) to hear the tinkle and movements of bathroom music.  Gross, huh?  But anyone who's actively potty trained a toddler gets it.  And in that way, our Second has stolen my breath -- by cheers and praises and promises of Buzz Lightyear underpants instead stinky diapers.

Then there's the Third.  This little boy, oh boy -- That's right, our third child is another boy!  the thought has stolen my breath a few times.  That ultrasound image of our little exhibitionist, and every tickle since, has made my heart flutter.  This is the first child we decided to find out the sex beforehand.  We wanted to be surprised the first two times.  It is definitely a different dynamic knowing -- not better or worse, just different.  I liked having the surprise with our first two children, but I'm glad we found out since I felt so sure this child was a girl.  It's nice to be able to mentally prepare and focus on just picking one name.  Anyhow, this little guy has a way of kicking, punching, tickling me just right that he leaves me breathless, literally.  Sometimes it's exhausting, but I keep remembering the empty feeling that follows in the days and weeks after giving birth: though a mother has her new child to hold, the constant presence is gone, and it's a foreign feeling.  I fully understand where post-partum depression comes from.  And so I cherish even the fatique.

Finally, there is my first "baby", the biggest kid in our household, my totally wonderful and awesome husband.  Just one month shy of celebrating our 6-year anniversary, I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to have this man as the father of my children.  He is such a good daddy: firm when necessary, but loving and fun.  The boys adore him (though I think they'd still qualify as "momma's boys"), and rightly so.  And of course it's no mystery how we've ended up with three children...  He still can leave me breathless.

(Is this an appropriate time to mention the fact that my poem "The Religion of Sex" was accepted for this year's issue of KaKaLaK?)

So tell me, who or what has given you breathless moments lately?

My State of the Blog Address

As a 2008 New Year's resolution, I decided to keep this blog regularly.  The intent was to post once a week at a minimum.  For the most part, up until the end of 2008, I did well enough.  But lately, I've done a foul job.  The biggest reason for that: I'm pregnant and have been "allergic" to using the computer outside of work hours.  Though I haven't been morning sick, I've been dealing with "evening sickness" instead coupled with exhaustion. Both have deterred me from blogging.  (However, Facebook has seen more of me -- that's easy enough to do from the couch with my phone.)  Anyhow, now that I'm in the supposed "honeymoon" trimester (the second), I'm generally feeling better and more awake in the evenings.  Maybe you'll see more of me here again.

Or not.

Over the course of the past year, I watched two of my "blog buddies," Jenn and Ginger, refine the direction of their blogging.  Both have taken subjects they are passionate and chosen to focus their writing on them: the environment and vegan living, respectively. 

I can see how both have come to that point, since I have been feeling the same kind of pull.  Whether it has been because of blogging, the comments or just the political & cultural climate in general, I have come to realize just how strongly I feel about my pro-life beliefs.  I've shared a little of that here, but mostly I've just "threatened" to post about it.  I don't know specifically why I haven't just done it.  Mostly I've just been treating it like a whole gargantuan dissertation of a post, so I've been wanting to have every little duck in line before posting any of it.  Regardless, the fact is, my tendency toward perfectionism is stalling me again.  But that hasn't changed how I've realized I need to act on this issue and DO something about the problem of abortion.

So I've joined an international movement you won't likely hear about on the evening news, and I will be participating in the spring campaign of 40 Days for Life.  40 Days for Life is a prayer and fast vigil with the goal of ending abortion.  During the last campaign, over a thousand babies were saved from death, and as many mothers were saved from the emotionally (and often physically) devastating pains of having ended a pregnancy by choice.  I am looking forward to the challenge and blessing of participating in this campaign.

To help me maintain my focus on the 40 Days for Life campaign, I have decided to blog daily about it and/or about other pro-life relevant topics. The posts may be short, since I expect to be posting many from my phone.  But I will be posting daily, with the exception, perhaps, of Sundays:  this will double as a Lenten sacrifice for me.

I expect to keep the pro-life posting trend going even after the campaign closes and celebrating Easter.  And while I don't believe in separating one's "spiritual self" from her "secular self", I think it will be appropriate for me to keep the majority of those posts grouped on a blog of their own. 

So, "AROSE for Life" is my newest writing endeavor.  I hope to see you guys there, even (actually, especially) if you consider yourself more pro-choice.  I welcome civil discussion.

But even if you decide not to follow the new blog, I hope you'll stick around these parts: I'll continue to sporadically post here about the REST of my life, including, I expect, baby updates!

Peace,
Julie