A Hairy Situation

Back in 8th grade health class, I remember one day when the class was split, guys & girls.  In the midst of awkward sex ed discussions, I remember being told to make a list of qualities & attributes we would seek in a potential spouse.  We were encouraged to put both character and physical traits.  Even then I had "clean shaven" on my list of preferences.  No big surprise then that 5 years later I fell for a knob from the Citadel. 

For those not in the know, Citadel freshmen (aka "knobs") get to sport a bald head their first year.  That's not what I had in mind by "clean shaven."  But that also means that there wasn't a hair on his chinny chin chin.

Fast forward a decade.  And I find myself quite uncomfortably married to the Mountain Man of the South. Ugh. I don't know why exactly my dear husband has decided to sport this hairy look.  Truly, though, as far as looks go, he can pull it off.  But that's as far as I can go.  I hate the feel of it. 

I have not hinted.  I have not worried about his feelings on the matter.  This has been one situation where I have not been subtle: I have told him outright, "I do not like the beard. Please shave it off."

Instead, he came home tonight with a beard trimmer. UGH.  He's serious.  He keeps telling me, "It'll get softer. I've read about it." I told him I don't care.  I don't like it.  I can't kiss him, not more than a peck.  It feels icky to me.  I could handle his occasional goatee, but not this.

So what's a girl to do?  Any suggestions.